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- Teen Movie Parties: a Tribute
Teen Movie Parties: a Tribute
February 15th, 2008 by teenhandjobclips
Any of you ever go to a party like that? Most of the parties I went to involved going over to the home of some attention-craved loser whose parents were out of town and who’d decided to have a party in a sort of lame attempt to bribe his peers into social acceptance. The evening would usually be spent drinking Zimas, or whatever other shitty booze the football players could convince the homeless guy to buy for them, while I stood around trying to talk one of the chicks from the Volleyball team into giving me a 3rd rate handjob before the party’s glorious and inevitable climax, when a fucking SWAT team of action-hungry suburban cops showed up in flak jackets and shit like they were storming Pablo Escobar’s compound, and hauled a couple of the slower-moving kids off to jail to be picked up a few hours later by their scowling parents. Rock and roll.
If you’re reading this, and you still happen to be in high school (in which case you probably shouldn’t be reading this), do yourself and all your friends a favor. Next time that dorky guy with the traveling parents decides to throw a party in order to win over your friendship, get your shit together and figure out a way to turn it into an apocalyptic carnival of drinking, drugs, underage sex and foreign exchange student abuse. Get creative. Watch these movies for inspiration and make it your goal to replicate the parties down to the smallest details. Don’t be afraid to burn the place down. Or if you’re feeling less destructive, rent one of those “fun jumps” they have at kids’ parties, cover it with booze-infused jello, and have no-holds barred naked wrestling matches with high-class hookers while your friends poor Everclear all over you and shoot Roman Candles at your neighbors’ pets, until the fuzz show up and drag you all off into the night, drunk, beautiful and triumphant.
Otherwise you’ll end up like me, twenty-five years old and sitting in your darkened living room watching “Sixteen Candles” with a joint in one hand and a kleenex in the other, thinking, “you blew it, man”.
Posted in Uncategorized | |
on February 15th, 2008 at 7:48 pm
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